Is Ghosting in Dating Really an Act of Kindness?

In the context of dating, ghosting is when someone just disappears --- they stop communicating without explanation. Some people may apply it only in the context of a relationship that has been established. But really, the act of ghosting is mostly the same even when two people have perhaps just started dating or met a time or two, etc.

Have you dealt with this? You're not alone. Many surveys show that it's become sadly far too common. Have you done the ghosting? You're not alone either, but there are some things you may wish to consider, even if it is just for yourself.

Most commonly heard from people who engage in ghosting is that he or she thinks they are being kind by avoiding an awkward confrontation. That sounds nice. But is it really?

What precisely does ghosting truly accomplish? Studies show that ghosting is generally more hurtful to the recipient that when a person is upfront. So who does ghosting help, if anyone?

Ghosters may feel that their actions are best in the long run. I would suggest there are some things to consider before continuing life with such an approach. Here are a few thoughts to get one started:

  1. If you're way of handling awkward communication is to engage in ghosting, what are you going to do when you're actually in a relationship?A habit of ghosting as a way to deal with potentially awkward situations might become such a pattern of behavior that it becomes modus operandi in a relationship.
  2. Is it emotionally mature?Isn't dealing with differences and potential conflict a part of everyday life? If you're not equipped to handle the more simple act of communicating lack of interest in dating or continuing to date early on, how do you plan to handle what arises in a relationship when the stakes are higher?
  3. Is it truly how you wish to have the other person handle things with you if the roles were reversed?Can you truly say that if you were interested in another person, you would prefer that person simply disappear on you if he or she doesn't feel the same way? If it's not how you want to be treated, why would it make sense to do that to others. And before you casually conclude it's what you'd want, carefully consider a situation in which you are truly interested in another person.

If you've been ghosted, you're not alone. And it's not about you. It's about the other person.

Dive into this topic a bit more in the full article on Kyzmet: Why Ghosting is Emotional Immaturity, Not an Act of Kindness.

Tags: